You may not know this, but November is National Adoption Month. Nothing would make me happier than for this little sweetie to find his family this month.

Thomas has been listed on the Reece's Rainbow site for as long as I've been checking it, which is over a year. If you aren't familiar with Reece's Rainbow, they are a non-profit organization that helps to locate and advocate for special needs orphans all over the world. They are not an adoption agency but all involved work very hard to help these kids make it home to their forever families. It was through this organization that Jacob was located and we were able to find him and bring him home.

Why does a boy like Thomas stay on the site, waiting and waiting, while other kids get 'chosen'? I don't know. Maybe, like me, people don't know what a diagnosis of CP and an oval window (heart condition) means. Any of your readers that have experience with either of these conditions, feel free to leave comments to help educate me and others who might be interested.

Thomas has just turned five - a perfect age to adopt, in my humble opinion. If you have questions or comments about adding an 'older' child to your family, ask away. If you are considering adopting an HIV+ child and have questions - ask away. Feel free!! What better time than National Adoption Month to commit to one of these precious children??





Thomas

Boy, Born August 2, 2004

SIGNIFICANT RISK, PLEASE ADOPT ME SOON!!

Thomas is a sweet, happy little boy with amazing potential. He has brown hair and brown eyes. He was born with CP and an oval window (heart condition). Despite his challenges, his caregivers say he is a very smart boy, he is an orphanage favorite, and they really want him to have a family to call his own. Thomas is able to walk holding on to a rail, and with therapy, will improve remarkably.

Thomas is blessed to still be at the baby house, but he can not stay much longer. He needs a family right away. Please consider Thomas to be your new son!

I tried so hard to get pictures of Jacob and Cody together. Jacob is such a total ham that it's hard to get a photo of him without some crazy pose. Cody, on the other hand, was apparently traumatized at birth by Mimi's camera and flat refuses to let me take his picture - ever. So, we got what we got. And a funny video, too.








Casey and Jacob carved great pumpkins:




Austin decided to take some creepy pictures.




Cody just being cute, as always:

My little boy is a creature who craves routine. I understand this because I am the same way. Life is so much simpler when I can follow my own rhythms, rather than trying to cram myself into someone else's schedule.

You would think that Jacob's need for routine would mean that he would thrive in traditional school. The problem is that he also struggles mightily with transitions, so the very thought of having to get him up and out the door each morning makes me shudder. Take this morning, for instance. Jacob had a bit of a hard time falling asleep last night - he was just being quiet and looking at books later than normal. Consequently, he woke up a little later and his 'morning routine' seems to be taking quite a while, too.

Every morning, he follows the same self-imposed schedule. He uses the restroom, makes his bed, picks up his room, gets fully dressed, fills the bathroom sink with water to wet his hair, fixes his hair, brushes his teeth. Only then will he come out for breakfast. Sometimes he washes his shoes in the sink, too, which takes a while. I let him go through this whole process everyday because it seems to give him the right start to his morning. Kind of like me getting my quiet time and shower in before the day begins. Some days it takes him an hour to get himself fully ready for the day. For this reason, we don't have an official start time for homeschool. Truthfully, 'school' lasts all day since Jacob is learning new things all the time!

We've learned the hard way to give Jacob time warnings for each new thing we will be doing. It doesn't seem to matter if we give him a five minute or two hour heads-up. As long as we let him know when change is about to occur, he's fine. I try not to hurry him but once we've set a time for a task to begin, we insist that he follow our direction.

It takes a lot of time to accomplish what we need to each day. I am so grateful that I am able to stay home with him. I have to laugh at myself that I thought I would just put him in school and continue to work full-time. I can't even imagine how stressful our lives would be! I know that lots of moms do exactly that and I have to say that they just amaze me. I would be drowning.

I am happy to report that the defiance issues are beginning to subside a bit. We did have a colossal fit after trick-or-treating the other night, but overall Jacob is growing more at ease with our authority as parents. I keep track of the big meltdowns on the calendar so that I can maintain my perspective when we're having a particularly bad day. If you don't count the two meltdowns we had on Halloween [which honestly are understandable!] we only had five for the whole month of October. I think that's pretty good for being home seven weeks!

So now, an hour after he woke up, Jacob is ready to come out for breakfast. Then we'll watch Curious George on PBS and start our school day. Jacob is flying through the Kindergarten curriculum that I purchased so we will be starting first grade later this week. I'll continue to add in the Kindergarten activities to reinforce the letter sounds and we won't officially start first grade math for a couple of months. I want Jacob to have a little more English before we get too far along with math.

Speaking of English, he is such a little sponge. He seems to understand everything that we say and he is using a pretty even mixture of English and Ukrainian to communicate with us. He likes to teach us Ukrainian words - he goes around the house and points to an object first saying the English word then the Ukrainian. I am amazed at how many English words he knows!


I'll try to upload some Halloween pics tomorrow. I have another new laptop since my last new one had to be returned. Hopefully this one is a keeper - all the setup takes me forever!!

That's what all the moms said. I met several moms through blogging that had adopted HIV+ kids, and every one of them said the same thing to me - it's just no big deal.

Obviously we have decided to be open about Jacob's status. Disclosure is a hot topic in the HIV+ adoption world and each family has to decide what is best for themselves. For us, HIV/AIDS has been dinner conversation at our house for years. God brought this issue into our home via a Leadership Summit conference that I had attended years ago and it has been a part of our lives ever since.

I had the privilege of going to Ethiopia in the fall of 2007 and visiting with several people who were sick with AIDS. I was so thankful to be welcomed into their homes and to get to hear their stories and pray for them. Every mom that I talked with had one worry which surpassed all others - what would happen to their children when they died? Not only did this experience open my eyes to the magnitude of the AIDS crisis, it also gave me an incredible amount of compassion for these mothers and their beautiful, innocent children.

When we first committed to adopt Jacob, LaRue and I discussed how we would handle disclosing his HIV status. LaRue just basically made the decision that we would be totally open about it; we would not treat it like a big secret. In our eyes it is no different than if Jacob had some other chronic condition. Yes, there may be some people that will treat him differently but we plan to do all we can to educate as many people as possible within our sphere of influence. It is true that we made this decision for Jacob but as his parents we feel that its in his best interest and in the best interest of our family. As parents, we make these kinds of decisions for our children all the time.

After living with Jacob for almost two months, I do agree that HIV is just no big deal. We've had nosebleeds and skinned elbows - my mommy gene kicks in and we just take care of it. Honestly, I am much more concerned about other people making him sick. I find myself being extremely overprotective about him being around other kids, especially now with all of this flu hysteria going on. I have to get over that!

We haven't started Jacob on medication yet but we will in about three weeks. Even though his numbers are good, the doctors think that the virus is preventing him from gaining weight. I feed him all day long but he hasn't gained an ounce since we've been home. Other than that, he's a normal, active little boy. He's funny and smart and completely wonderful. Not that I'm biased or anything :)

I am a total amateur at all of this but I am learning and happy to share what I've learned so far. I'm happy to answer questions - just leave me a comment or send an email.

Back in May when we were first supposed to submit our dossier I had posted this somewhat excited but cryptic non-explanation for the delay. I wasn't able to go into any details at the time. We were scheduled to submit on May 18th and I had, of course, spent the entire day checking my email and waiting for the phone to ring. When the call finally came late in the afternoon, I was completely floored by the news we received.

We were not submitted because our Jacob had [suppposedly] tested negative for HIV. This bumped him out of the special needs adoption line and we were told that we may not be able to submit until November! Honestly, I didn't know how to react. On the one hand, I was thrilled for Jacob that he was negative - on the other I was devastated that we would have such a huge delay in our process. BUT - there was a part of me that just didn't believe it. I was so completely certain that God had called us to adopt an HIV+ child - what could this mean? Had I misunderstood what I felt God was leading us to? Were we really supposed to be this child's parents?

It was devastating. I could not understand why I wasn't thrilled about this news. I felt so selfish because I just wanted him home with me. It took a lot of prayer and scripture reading to get my head on straight again.

LaRue and I were both so sceptical about the news. We got confirmation from our agency that Jacob had tested negative not once but twice. We could not imagine how a six-year-old could be misdiagnosed like this. Had he not been tested since birth? That seemed the only explanation.

Our facilitator in Ukraine was able to get us an earlier submission date and we did successfully submit in July - we were so thankful!!

We left for Ukraine only half believing that he was not HIV+. I took the waiver paperwork with me just in case, but I hadn't gotten any of the signatures that we needed from our doctor and the county health official. Our facilitator confirmed that Jacob was not HIV+. We were confused about God's plan but we decided to trust and keep moving forward.

At our SDA appointment, the official who showed us Jacob's photo asked if we were aware of his medical issues. We said yes, half-wondering if this was some kind of game. Medical problems, wink wink. Is this why we were able to get an earlier submission date? It was all so strange.

We traveled to the region and met with the orphanage director. She confirmed that Jacob was HIV+ and could not figure out why anyone thought differently. By this time, LaRue and I have decided that it doesn't matter. We just want to get him home as quickly as possible.

We went through our entire process in Ukraine not really knowing. At our embassy medical appointment we told the doctor that he was positive - we were convinced by then that he was and we wanted to move the waiver process along as quickly as possible. The doctor didn't believe us! She insisted on giving Jacob an HIV test. Gee whiz. So, after a couple of hours we got the confirmation that he was indeed positive. We still don't know why we were told that he was negative - apparently there was some mix-up with his medical info.

Sweet Casey had run around town at home getting all the necessary signatures for our waiver and FedEx'd them to another family that was traveling to Ukraine. We were able to complete our process without delay and bring Jacob home to our great team of doctors at the children's hospital. His doctors here are amazed at how healthy he is, considering that he never really received any treatment in Ukraine. His numbers are good and he is generally healthy but we will still be starting him on drug therapy next month. Despite eating non-stop he has not gained any weight since we've had him home. The specialist thinks that he may have a great growth spurt a couple of months after starting meds.

This post is getting pretty long but I will write a follow up post soon about how it's been so far living with HIV. We are far from experts but learning every day so hopefully our journey will inspire someone else to bring one of these extra-special kids home!!!

I read quite a few books before we brought Jacob home. During this past year, I did try to absorb as much info as I could about possible behavioral issues that we could face. One of the recurring themes in most of what I've read says that you can't discipline your adopted kids the same way that you would your bio kids. At first I think that I took this to mean no discipline at all. One book even says that kids won't want to bond with a 'mean mom'.

Kids need boundaries and limits. and consistency. Things that I admit freely I was not good at with my older kids. So, I am parenting much differently this time around.

The primary behavioral issue that we have seen with Jacob is defiance. He is a very independent little guy - which we expected. We are stepping in and doing things for him as it seems appropriate. We don't want to take away all of his independence but he does need to learn to be 'taken care of' by his parents. It's a delicate dance.

The orphanage director told us that Jacob does not like to be told no. We laughed at that statement at the time - what kid likes to be told no?? It became apparent very quickly that the caregivers didn't tell him no very often. Jacob responds very poorly to not getting his way. We had a decision to make - and we chose to be tough on this one. Unfortunately, Jacob spent quite a bit of time in his 'think it over chair' during his first month with us.

When told no, his first response has been to roll his eyes and click his tongue at us in disgust. Then he'll cross his arms over his chest and go into full on defiance mode. I know that he is being sassy with me but I don't know what he's saying. We are working on the eye rolling and responding with 'yes, Mom' or 'OK, Mom' instead of no. No seems to just pop out of his mouth before he's had a chance to think about what he's saying. Sometimes he'll respond no even as he's moving to do the thing that he was asked to do.

At his doctor appointment this week, an intern came in and talked with Jacob for about an hour. He had served a mission in Russia so he and Jacob were able to speak Russian with each other. At one point, another doctor was asking Jacob [in English]if he had any pain in his tummy. He shook his head no but the intern translated just in case. Apparently Jacob replied in Russian with 'no, what's it to ya?'.

Sass.

We asked the intern to find out why Jacob won't sleep in his own room. He's been sleeping in a little bed in our room since we got home. He did sleep in his room for one night but cried the second night that we tried to put him to bed in there. He had us convinced that he was afraid of being alone. When the intern asked if he was afraid of his room or his bed, or maybe of being alone, Jacob laughed and said no. He told the intern that he just likes to sleep in our room. Hmmmm. He is sleeping in his own bed now and doing just fine - little stinker. I convinced him that the bed in our room was usually used by babies and suddenly his 'big boy bed' looked a lot more appealing.

I wanted to address the issue of 'falling in love'. Over the past year, there were lots of times that I felt like I wasn't feeling enough love for Jacob. It was very easy for me to get caught up in the tasks that needed to be accomplished in order to bring him home. I read other blogs of women who were working toward bringing a child home and some of them seemed to already LOVE the child. Some wrote about having dreams about their child or crying because they couldn't hold them or kiss them.

I have gone through this whole process knowing that love is a verb. Love is doing. Love the feeling is a very fickle emotion. Love the verb sticks it out - no matter what. I know without a doubt that I am a better parent to Jacob because of my three older kids. I had to learn a long time ago to get over myself. I have had my feelings hurt and my love rejected and I know that I can do love without expecting to receive love in return.

Jacob is beginning to really love me. I know it. He has been willing to kiss and hug me all along but in the beginning he was very aggressive and controlling with his affection. Now he is sweet and his kisses are a genuine show of love. He says 'I love you' at appropriate times and with eye contact. It is so wonderful. When I hug him now his little body is not rigid and alert but soft and trusting.

I love him with all my heart. Love the verb - yes. And also love the emotion. He really feels like my child now. I'll admit, for a while, it did feel like I was babysitting, especially when we were in Ukraine. It doesn't feel weird anymore. Yes, we have some mad faces and sass once in a while but we're learning how to string together several days of good behavior. Not too bad for being home less than a month.

We are so thankful for this child. We marvel at God's grace and provision. I don't deserve this awesome life. Thank you, Jesus, that I don't have to deserve it - I just get to accept it. Awesome.

I am not a fan of those words. Almost without fail, they are followed by some statement that either costs me a lot of money or causes me a lot of work. This time it ended up causing LaRue a lot of work.











It seems that Wiley the snake lived up to his name and slithered into the sink during a photo shoot. INTO the sink. You know that overflow part with the two little holes at the front of the sink? Yeah, that. He was IN the sink.

I called LaRue to tell him that the snake was in the sink, Austin had to go to work and Jacob and I were going to Hobby Lobby until this whole thing got resolved.

Of course, LaRue saved the day. An hour of coaxing [and finally resorting to using the hair dryer] and the snake was rescued.

Never a dull moment around here. NEVER.

Ahhhh. For the past two days I have felt mostly in control of my environment. WooHoo!

I knew that bringing a small child into the house would be an adjustment - but wow.

Jacob is amazing - I cannot believe how blessed we are to have him. It is the most surreal feeling in the world to look back on the past year and all of the moments that I dreamed of having him here. It is almost unbelievable - but here he is. I thank God every day for this miracle.

I remember the conversations that LaRue and I had out in the gazebo last fall - wondering if this was really God's plan for us and could we do it? Would we say yes??

I remember touching that one and only photo that we had every time that I walked by the refrigerator and saying out loud "we're coming, baby - as fast as we can". I prayed every day for God to give Jacob comfort and supernaturally let him know that he would have a family soon.

I remember agonizing over big financial decisions that had to be made to allow me to stay home with Jacob. I remember unexpected financial gifts from people who understood our hearts and wanted to help us.

I remember crying at the setbacks and roadblocks that came up. God was faithful every time and eventually I was able to see how His timing was, as always, perfect.

That moment, seeing Jacob for the first time and knowing that this really was him. He has a little freckle over his eye that I recognized right away. This was our boy.

He had just turned six when we committed to him. Turning six meant being transferred out of the baby house to the 'boarding school' which served as the orphanage for kids ages 6-16. I prayed that Jacob would be protected there. I prayed that his seventh birthday would be celebrated with us.

And it was.

We had a very low-key celebration. I cooked sausage and mashed potatoes and Mama made a chocolate cake. We sang "Happy Birthday" and the joy on Jacob's face made me cry.

Happy Birthday, sweet boy. You are all ours now and we could not be more grateful.

We've been home for two weeks. WOW.

A lot has changed around here. Homeschool is in full swing. Some of the activities are a bit young for Jacob but we are going to stick with the Kindergarten curriculum because he needs to get the basics down. He has learned so many words and seems to comprehend most of what we say. We struggle some with abstract concepts but overall I am incredibly impressed with his adaptability and ability to learn.

I am not usually one for having artwork all over the fridge but, oh well. And yes, that is more artwork taped to the wall. Like I said, a lot has changed around here!





Aunt Rachel and Uncle Carl gave Jacob a Legos set for an early birthday present. He built this all by himself while I cooked dinner - I couldn't believe it. He sat for an hour putting this together. What a great present.



This was my best attempt at getting a picture of Cody and Jacob together. Better luck next time, I'd say.



Ready for Halloween! Only a month to go...



He likes to sleep like this - which could explain why he gets so sweaty.





My beautiful welcome home flowers from my Mommy. It's so good to be home!!

hmmm. Some of my other children have some 'splainin to do...





Yes, that is a real snake. Some of you may recall my reaction to our first snake. Apparently while I was in Ukraine, we acquired two more adorable snakes. Where does this madness end??

Or, shall I say, attempting to swim. I had such high hopes that Jacob knew how to swim. He absolutely loves taking a bath and when we asked him about swimming he made very convincing swimming motions with his arms and legs.

So, with great excitement, he stepped into the pool for the first time.



He marched down the steps like it was no big deal at all.




He stepped of the last step...and sank like a rock. Casey was still changing into her suit so I had to jump in fully clothed and save him. Just threw down the camera and kicked off my shoes and jumped in. Camera survived, thank goodness.

I grabbed a pair of Cody's floaties and put them on Jacob, assuring him that these would hold him up so he could swim. I forgot to take into account that he weighs 40 pounds. So, poor little guy trusted Mommy and stepped in again. And sank like a rock. This time Casey was there to save him.

They decided to put him on the raft and avoid any more trauma for this go around.




Today we went out and bought a better floatation device. He wasn't sure at first if it would work but it did hold him up. He couldn't seem to get out of this position, though:



Being the smart little guy that he is, he has come up with the perfect way to cruise the pool:



Oh well. I guess we'll be taking swim lessons next summer...

Ahhhh. home.


We had a pretty eventful trip home but I won't bore you with the details - the important thing is that we made it home safe and sound. Jacob is having a blast getting into everything and being showered with attention from his siblings. Mom is just happy to hug and kiss on her big kids and hubby.

Jacob and I are both working through the jet lag. I was up at 1am this morning and he slept in til 4 - thank goodness he naps 'cause he'll be needing one today!

I'm setting a goal to be on a schedule by Monday - wish me luck LOL

Welcome to America sweet Jacob. We're so happy to finally have you HOME.

Our waiver came through this morning and we are flying out tomorrow. Thank you so much for all of the prayers and encouragement throughout this process.

It has been 37 days - I think that's right - and I am missing my hubby and our kids at home like crazy. I miss a lot of things to be honest, but this adventure has been wonderful and I am so amazed that I am a mom again. I'm not sure that it will totally sink in until we get home and start some kind of routine.

Jacob is excited to go to America. When I told him that the passport was ready he jumped up and down yelling 'go to America!!!' He cried when I put him down tonight. He is scared, it seems. No kidding. What an upheaval for him, this past month. I am missing silly things like my clothes dryer and the Food Network - things I will have again in a few hours. Jacob has lost everything that he's ever known, and he'll never get it back. Yes, we know that his life will be better with us. He really seems happy. But, what is 'America' to him?

America is where Daddy is. And Casey, Austin, Kristi and Cody. Mama and Papa. Lots of aunts, uncles and cousins. The dog and the turtle.

It will be so great to get home and start our new life together. Get him hooked on pancakes for breakfast instead of cheese. He's been asking me all day if this or that is available in America. Milk, water, sour cream. I had to break the news that I don't know if we have the cheese that he loves so much - I believe they call it cydok [he pronounces it see-dok]. I promised to try and find it and that seemed to make him happy. It is like a moist cheesecake - if anyone knows where I might find it in the US I'll be a hero. He eats it every morning for breakfast with a spoonful of sour cream. He'd eat it three meals a day, if I'd let him.

There is a lot to love about this country - it really is special and very different from anyplace else that I've been. I'll try to post more pics when I get home and settled. We will get settled, won't we? :)

My goodness. Where to begin.

First of all, I can't believe that it has already been 9 days since we left the orphanage. I'll try to recap:

We were picked up from our apartment on Sept. 2nd after settling up with the landlord. We thought that we were headed straight to pick up Jacob. Not so fast. LOL We had to take care of a few more things - hurry up and wait takes on a whole new meaning in Ukraine.

Finally, we did get to take our son. We made it to the bus stop with only a couple of minutes to spare - then headed straight to Odessa, where we had to apply for Jacob's new birth certificate and passport. Four hours on the bus, thirty minute taxi ride, out to dinner, grocery shopping...poor little guy. I can't even imagine what he must have been thinking.

He's been such a trooper. There have been several days that were just jam-packed and he's been great. I am certainly no expert, but he seems to be bonding very well to us. He is not at all shy or timid as they had told us initially. He's a ham.

Odessa is a beautiful city and we wished that we had gone there during the time we were stuck in Izmail and couldn't see Jacob because he was at camp. We did have a couple of days to sightsee while we waited for his passport. It was very nice to just be a family and enjoy each other.

We are in Kiev now. We were able to leave Odessa a day earlier than we expected. We did our medical and US Embassy paperwork all in one day, including the waiver. Now we are just waiting for the US to grant us permission to bring Jacob home. The US Embassy here has been wonderful - I am very impressed. They called this morning to tell me that we should have the waiver on Monday. I have booked tickets to return home on Tuesday - I sure hope that our waiver comes in time!! Prayer for that!

LaRue left for home this morning. He was able to stay with us for almost five weeks which was wonderful. I am so excited to get home and start living out our new normal.

A few pics from the last week:

The first day of school is a holiday called Knowledge Day. The kids all dress up in their nice fancy clothes and put on a program for the parents. All over town there were families out taking pictures and laying flowers on the monuments. It was such a festive day here! Lots of dressed up people out on the streets.

We went to the orphanage which is also a boarding school during the school year. There were only a few parents there - the atmosphere was more subdued - but the kids did a great job with their program. They did a couple of skits, sang a song and marched around with the Ukrainian flag.

We arrived just before the program started and the kids were already lined up with their classes. Jacob saw us come around the corner into the courtyard and we saw him look up at his teacher and point to us. She obviously gave him permission to come and greet us and he took off running towards us. I can't describe what a great feeling it was to have him run into my arms like that. He was so happy to see us there. It made me cry.

Jacob's class:



All lined up waiting for the program to start:



His teacher took this one. It was so sweet - I don't think she had ever used a digital camera - she did a good job!



Sitting in class, waiting to start school:



Teacher is ready to start - time for us to leave :(



I couldn't stop the tears from coming as we walked out. I can't really put into words what I was feeling. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed that tomorrow is the day that we finally get to take him out of there for good. My heart was just hurting for the beautiful children that live there all the time. I am so brokenhearted for the teenaged girls. They are just beautiful. What will happen to them when they have to leave here in a couple of years? What kind of life will they have? I wish that we could take more than one child out of here tomorrow. I have just grown to love so many of them. It hurts.

Tomorrow will be a joyous day for our family. Finally, we will be united with this child that we have prayed for and longed for since last September. A full year waiting to bring him home to be our son.

Tomorrow will also be a very sad day for me. I am already dreading saying a final goodbye to these kids that I love but can't have. They deserve so much more than this.

August is birthday month in our family - we have a standing rule that no one can marry anyone with an August birthday or have a baby during that month!

We had a little party the day before we left to celebrate four of the August birthdays: LaRue, Casey, Kristi and Papa.




Kristi made this beautiful cake:



I love this picture. It so perfectly showcases the distinct personalities of my two girls. They blew the candles out together but Casey is giving Kristi the mad face - apparently Kristi blew out more than her fair share! I love these girls so much!!!



We missed all of their birthdays this year - we'll have to make it up to everyone next year!! Love you all so much and Happy Birthdays!!

Thank you Amy for putting into beautiful words exactly what we are feeling today:


The Cost

A little crazy and counter-cultural, maybe. Obedient, I hope so. Awesome - no. Not by a longshot.

God led us to a place where we had felt His nudge a few times - and been obedient. In a few small things, God asked us to be obedient and we were. After we had proved ourselves in a few of the small things, God presented us with a big thing. And we were resistant. Big time.

I have blogged before about the day that I first had my heart stirred for adoption. For weeks afterward, I had a daily battle within myself about this. Outwardly, I was investigating adoption - reading blogs and books, exploring agencies and looking at photolistings of waiting children. I would wake in the morning, look in the mirror and say 'ok, we can do this!' but by the time I put my head on the pillow at night I was so thoroughly convinced that there was no way I could do this. A million excuses. So many questions and fears. Every day I prayed and wrote in my journal; I begged God to take this desire for another child out of my heart if this was not His will for our family. The desire just got stronger.

Then one day, the photo of Zhenya showed up in my email inbox. I was getting emails of kids daily from all of the websites that I had signed up on. This child was different, though. This child stuck in my heart and mind and I couldn't shake him out.

LaRue had the same fears and doubts. He had to work through all of the practicalities of this move. The problem with adoption is that you can never package it up to be practical. It isn't. If we had waited until we could afford them, we probably never would have had biological children. So it is with adoption. There came a point that LaRue just knew that this was the right thing to do and that it was God's will. It would be a GIANT leap of faith.

For nearly 10 months, we had one single photo of Zhenya to hold on to and this brief despription:




Zhenya P

BOY, Born October 1, 2002

SIGNIFICANT RISK, PLEASE ADOPT ME SOON!!

Zhenya is truly an angel of a child. Look at the light in his beautiful brown eyes, and the glow of his smile. Zhenya has tested positive for HIV, but is healthy, active, intelligent, and living among the general population in the orphanage. He is still living at the baby house, but is facing imminent institutionalization if we can not find a family for him soon. He is an orphanage favorite. They love him so dearly, and desperately want a family for him.

Zhenya is likely on suppressant medication, we are waiting to confirm this. He does have some speech delays, but he can work on those here. PLEASE consider saving Zhenya from a life on the street, already infected with HIV.



LaRue has said many times througout this process that it is a win-win. Zhenya gets a real family and hope for the future - we get to add another precious child to our family and be faithful and obedient to God. Everybody wins. Hopefully God is glorified.

We are thankful beyond belief that God chose us for this child. We cannot believe that two flawed and imperfect people like us have been blessed so immeasurably by our loving and forgiving God.

God is Awesome. We are incredibly grateful.

We are officially the proud parents of Jacob Zhenya Baker! Court went fine - no objections.

Here we are right after - looking relieved, I would say.



Our first meeting. Zhenya was so shy and timid - he's completely over that now!



Just before we returned him to the orphanage yesterday. I wondered if he really understands what is happening to him.



Little did we know how much he would change overnight! Apparently it was haircutting day at the orphanage and this is the little boy that we picked up after court this morning:




The orphanage director let us take him out again today but said that the rest of our visits during the 10 day wait will need to be there at the orphanage. Our translator left this afternoon so the director isn't comfortable with us having Zhenya out on our own. I can understand her concerns; she is still responsible for him until the court gives us our paperwork on September 2nd. We were grateful for some time to be alone at the apartment this afternoon and just relax - Mom, Dad and Jacob Zhenya.

We were picked up this morning by Irina our translator and taken to the orphanage to visit with Zhenya again - finally!! To our surprise, they allowed us to take him out of the orphanage for the day! That was so great - we were really able to relax and get to know him. Our translator stayed with us all day which was helpful.

We are communicating. He does understand a lot and we use gestures and pointing to fill in the gaps. There are a lot of gaps but we'll get there.

We went to the store and bought him some shoes and a couple of outfits. He literally does not own a thing - when we are allowed to take him from the orphanage for good we need to bring an entire change of clothes with us for him to wear home.

We came back to the apartment and hung out for a while. It was great because he quickly became comfortable enough to start acting up. I think this is a good thing - it gave us a chance to start 'parenting' without the stress of knowing that people were watching over us. Irina was with us the whole time and she even got after him a little. He really is a little pistol - super smart and independent. We spent some time coloring and playing with some toys and books that we brought. He repeated lots of English words and we worked on letter sounds a little bit. He will pick it up fast.

He seemed to like riding around in the taxi and taking pictures. He figured out how to use my camera in about two minutes - including how to review photos. We took lots of pictures and I will post some after we have court tomorrow morning. We took some video, too.

We took him to a photo studio for his paperwork photos - we'll need those along the way as we complete the rest of the process: birth certificate, passport, waiver, etc.

He eats more than I expected, considering his size. We went to the Ukrainian deli and he ate a huge bowl of chicken noodle soup and a sausage. Very nice table manners, too!

Tomorrow morning at 9 we have court - if all goes well we will officially become a family. Yea!!!

Til tomorrow...

I must have inadvertently prayed for patience at some point and God decided to answer my prayer with ADOPTION. :)

We were expecting to see Jacob [or Jay-Z as some of you have decided to call him - lol] tomorrow evening when the kids return from camp. Unfortunately, they won't be back until 8 or so and the director of the orphanage said that would be a bit too late to come. Bummer. We were not planning to stay long, only 10 or 15 minutes but still - now we wait another day. She did say that we could come anytime on Thursday though, so that was nice.

We visited the open air market today. We've been a couple of times but this time we really explored it. Very cool. They have everything - really. Car parts, fresh fish, produce, beauty supplies, clothing and shoes, bicycles, plumbing supplies, hardware, toys, cooking utensils, school supplies, puppies, live ducklings and chickens...you get the idea. We bought a backpack for J and some produce. Big fun.

Fresh fish, as in still moving!



Not a great pic of them but these bins are packed full of ducklings. They were squirting them with a water bottle - poor little things must have been so hot.




Rows and rows of produce - not a ton of variety but very fresh!



So, we will entertain ourselves for another day. Our translator will return on Thursday, too. Things will start picking up so we'll try to enjoy this last day of doing not much.

Court on Friday - please pray that it goes smoothly and NO objections are raised.

Thanks!!!!

Not a lot happening right now. Our translator left a couple of days ago and will return on the 20th to be with us at court on the 21st. We are settling into our apartment since we will likely be here until around Sept. 1st. We've been to the market to buy some household items that were missing - a stockpot, baking pan, extra towels - stuff like that. We cooked at home last night for the first time. I've always wanted a gas stove and now I have one:



We are figuring out how to shop for food. At the market yesterday, I picked up some tortellini and the very helpful frozen food guy came over and handed me a different package. He put his fingers pointing up on either side of his head like horns and pointed to the package I had chosen. Not sure which horned animal he was trying to tell me about -goat maybe? Do they eat goat here? Maybe it was beef - in which case I would have been very happy. Anyway, I graciously took the package he offered and we'll see if we can identify what it is. I'm all about the adventure and I will eat just about anything - especially if I don't know what it is!

Mayo and mustard:



Lots of food comes in this great pouch packaging. Like milk:




This apartment is quite a bit smaller than our first one in Kiev but it's half as much per night so we are happy about that.




The views aren't as spectacular either but this town is really pretty and it has a park that runs through the entire center of town - several blocks. It's a beautiful place to walk and see the people. This is the view from our bedroom window looking out at the park:



Statue of Lenin in front of the City Hall:



Z will be back from 'camp' on the 19th in the evening. We are going to try to see him for a few minutes that evening, if we can. After that, we should be able to spend time with him every day. They won't let us take him from the orphanage until we have passed our 10 day waiting period. That should be about Sept. 1st. If all goes according to plan, he will be fully ours at that time!

Prayer requests:

Please pray that we pass court and our 10 day wait. It is not a 'done deal'. There are some missing pieces from Z's early life that the judge will want an explanation for. We are relying on our facilitator and the orphanage director to fill in the gaps as well as they can but some things just are not available. The prosecutor can object to the adoption right up to the last day of the 10 day wait.

Pray for us to bridge the language barrier with Z as quickly as we can. Our translator told us not to try to speak Russian to him but to make him understand us using gestures and English words. Poor little guy - what a confusing mess this is for him.

We covet your prayers and we know that this is God's plan and He will see it through exactly as He has planned. We feel blessed and excited to be a part of it!

Planes, trains and automobiles. And subways and buses. :) I unintentionally keep using the word WHIRLWIND in my journal.

Our flights were fine - had an hour delay sitting on the runway leaving Chicago. We got to ride out a killer lightning storm - it was hailing and pouring rain. Not my favorite takeoff! I am seriously considering getting a non-stop or one stop on the way home though.

This is the view from the window of our first apartment:




And this was just cute:



perfectly coordinated:




Our appointment at the SDA went well - we got our referral and paperwork and were able to leave for Zhenya's region on the evening of the 11th. We took the night train [12 hours!] then caught a bus [four hours!] and reached the town where Zhenya's orphanage is at about 10am. We did some paperwork and got permission to visit him. His orphanage is on summer break from school and they were at 'camp' about two hours outside of town. We hopped in a taxi and made the trek out to visit with him at camp.

He is darling - very tiny. He was very shy at first but our translator asked him if he wanted to be adopted and he said enthusiastically 'yes!'. She asked if we looked acceptable to him :) and he indicated that we would do. We showed him pictures of his new brother and sisters, Cody, the house and pets. He was quite taken with turtle. We played Connect Four and tried to communicate. The translator asked him questions for us but we need to visit with him on our own so that we can start figuring out how to bridge the language gap.

He wrote his name for us in cursive [the translator, Irina, is also an English teacher and she told me to correct his handwriting because he uses cursive and printing together - I laughed and told her that LaRue and I both do the same thing and I don't know a single six year old that can write his full name in cursive!!]

We asked him if he would like to have an American name and he said yes. We all agreed on Jacob with Zhenya for his middle name. I wrote that out for him [printed!!] and I will not be surprised if he has mastered writing that by the time we see him next. He is smart and meticulous and quiet - I can't wait to start teaching him.

Because of the four hour round trip, it was decided that we will wait for him to return to town before we see him again. The kids will be back on the 19th so we have several days of down time here in town. We finished up the pre-court paperwork yesterday and our translator left - she will return on the 20th as we have court on the 21st. LaRue and I will attempt our first solo grocery shopping trip today!

Here are some views around Kiev:




I'll post some more pics on my FaceBook page.

More later! Thanks for the prayers!!!

Ha! I need someone to follow me around and tell me! Things are topsy-turvy, in a good way!

We leave in...FIVE days! I don't want to say that I thought this day would never come. That's not exactly right. I trusted that God would complete this amazing thing that HE started. I will admit that I did have days where it seemed the odds were insurmountable. By ME. Not by God. He has showed up over and over throughout this process. I am left feeling so incredibly blessed to be a part of this.

Our appointment date is August 11th. That's the day that we will be officially referred our child. Ever since we found out that date, it has been bugging me that it seemed so familiar. I know - it comes around once every year. Haha. My mind just kept trying to figure out why it felt this way. August is our birthday month around here - eight family birthdays in one month! It's exhausting. LOL - but none on the 11th. Then, during my quiet time a couple of days ago, I realized what it was.

August 11, 2006. The day that I heard the Bono interview at Leadership Summit. The day that God broke my heart for AIDS and Africa, and set my feet on a path that has been nothing short of AMAZING.

It hasn't all gone the way that I thought it would. I was able to go to Ethiopia in August of 2007. It was such a life-changing experience to meet women who were sick with AIDS and didn't know what would happen to their children when they died. When I felt called to adopt, I just naturally assumed that it would be from Africa. No one is more shocked that I am that we are headed to Eastern Europe!

I was privileged to go to Nepal in the Spring of 2008 and again earlier this year. I had my first experience with visiting an orphanage in Nepal. For the first time, I began to understand what that life means to a child. I think that I had previously had some romantic idea about orphanage life - I am thankful that I have been able to see the reality.

I know that this trip will be very difficult in a lot of ways. We are incredibly excited about meeting our son. We also expect that our hearts will be broken for the kids that are left behind.

So - we are almost packed, the house is clean, meals are cooked and frozen for the kids. Leadership Summit 2009 is on Thursday and Friday this week - I'll be there! Oh, and Bill Hybels will be doing a follow-up interview with Bono to see how things have changed since 2006. Can't wait to hear that!

Giving it to God - all of it. Every day. So far, it's working out perfectly :)